


to catch a glimpse, but not get caught

by letfelicitysoar



Category: VIXX
Genre: LeoHyuk, M/M, friends with benefits who fall in love trope, idolverse, luck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letfelicitysoar/pseuds/letfelicitysoar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Awkward, however is not a word that Sanghyuk is familiar with – Hongbin maybe is – but not Sanghyuk. The next day is simple, he wakes up, tells himself to not think about it and that’s what he does. He sees Taekwoon leaning sleepily against the kitchen counter in the morning, first thing to boot, but Sanghyuk isn’t deterred as he breezes past him and grabs for a bowl in one of the cabinets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to catch a glimpse, but not get caught

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i just did this.  
> i have betrayed the hyuken mothership for this.  
> for luck.  
> i usually don't ask for it, but pls leave me feedback bcus this is quite possibly the largest thing i have comprised in a one shot and i am sweating bullets over everything. 
> 
> and ♡♡♡♡ for stacy who held my hand through this and continued to encourage me by promising me future butt breaks.

It all happens on a Wednesday, which also happens to be Sanghyuk’s birthday.

Before that though, is The Fight. The big one where Sanghyuk feels like he’s exploding and letting out years of pent up feelings, except only a small fraction of those feelings are actually blurted out as Sanghyuk stands his ground in front of Taekwoon. He’s never actually argued with this hyung in particular, they walk on eggshells usually when the air becomes too thick between them – like when they had barely met for the first time and Sanghyuk had no idea what he was going to do if he had to debut with _Taekwoon_  of all the trainees lined up beside him. None of that hadn’t mattered for a long time though, not when they had cleared up most of the black muck that stuck to them whenever they had to be in the same room. Sanghyuk liked the direction of their relationship, it had gotten slightly more strong in the last few years, he didn’t think it could become any less from there on out.

It’s Taekwoon with the problem though.

“I’m not  _five_ ,” Sanghyuk says with a snap. It’s the beginning of The Fight. “Leave me alone.” He purposely omits the ‘ _hyung_ ’ because he wants to assert very well that he can stand on level grounding with Taekwoon if he wanted too, hell, he’s taller than the other now too. Sanghyuk’s arms are folded where he’s standing, a spilled box of cereal at his feet and it’s so ridiculous, all of it is, but Sanghyuk isn’t thinking it is right now. All he can think about is how annoying Taekwoon is.

“Hyuk-ah,” he starts, tone light and no where near as heated as Sanghyuk’s. Taekwoon stretches out a hand to grab at the other’s shoulder, but Sanghyuk smoothly takes a step back from Taekwoon’s grasp. “I know you’re not five–”

“Then don’t treat me like I am,” Sanghyuk grumbles, his socked feet now soaking up the little pool of milk that had formed when he dropped his bowl. The feeling is absolutely gross, but Sanghyuk does his best to ignore it and remain stagnant. “I can get my own cereal.”

Taekwoon looks like he’s about to speak again, but his eyes flicker downwards at Sanghyuk’s feet and  _fuck_ , Sanghyuk is thoroughly ticked now. He moves over to one of the kitchen drawers and pulls open the one Sanghyuk _knew_  he was going to reach for. Taekwoon takes out a dishrag and makes for the spilled milk, but Sanghyuk kicks at his hands. He’s miffed, he wants Taekwoon to stop acting like a parent to him, it’s ridiculous, Sanghyuk is not fucking five years old.

It ends pretty anti-climactic, but Taekwoon does retaliate, an angry hand shooting out to grip Sanghyuk’s ankle, a furrowed brow on his hyung’s face as he punctuates every word out of his mouth with poisonous daggers, “You can’t do  _anything_.”

That’s The Fight. Hongbin scurries in moments later, before Sanghyuk can kick Taekwoon in the face, with Hakyeon in tow and the two members immediately work to separate Sanghyuk and Taekwoon. Hongbin cleans up the mess because somehow he always winds up being the one to do it anyways and Hakyeon drags Taekwoon away to their room, while Sanghyuk fumes off to his own. Wonshik and Jaehwan are in the studio today, so Sanghyuk lets out a muffled scream into his pillow, flopping hard onto the floor where his blankets are folded and stacked. That was a fucking low hit, Sanghyuk can feel how hot the blood in his veins is from it. He knows it can mean just about anything, maybe Taekwoon is particular about the way Sanghyuk must pour his cereal, or rather –  _as Sanghyuk takes it_  – Taekwoon is directing his words towards Sanghyuk’s sheer lack of talent where the other exceeds. A part of him wants to believe Taekwoon didn’t mean it like that, but the way he said it, voice sick and tired, makes Sanghyuk thinks it’s the latter of the two. His mood gets even more sour from the thought.

It hurts more than when they were trainees and Sanghyuk had just sort of thought that was the way Taekwoon (and maybe a few others) had felt about him, but no one ever voiced it, no one ever said anything the way Taekwoon had said Sanghyuk  _can’t do anything_. It boils in him even more, so much he can feel angry tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. Sanghyuk hadn’t even meant to get mad at Taekwoon in the first place, he was mostly feeling smothered, annoyed, pressured because Sanghyuk was twenty years old, going on twenty-one in just a few weeks. But here was Jung Taekwoon, coming in to scold him about his cereal, trying to do it for him and crooning at him like he was a  _child_ , a fucking baby. It had just set the top off the pot for Sanghyuk, steam no longer able to be contained.

And then comes along his birthday, he’s still pretty miffed with Taekwoon, but it’s not so bad, not when Jaehwan comes to the practice room with contraband soju he took from their manager’s room when the other wasn’t looking. They squeeze into Wonshik’s tiny studio and usually when they’re all piled together like this, no one really questions it, just brushes it off as them goofing around or actually working – it’s mostly the first one.

“Happy birthday,” Jaehwan says with a little giggle, tipping forward one of the two soju bottles he managed to snag as Sanghyuk is taking a sip. He chokes a bit and some of it spills down his chin as he can’t manage it all down, he shoves Jaehwan afterwards but he’s giggling too.

Sanghyuk’s had soju before, way before he was even of legal age, but it feels a little more free this way, shoved into what’s basically a closet with his bandmates, closing themselves off to everything else just to spend a moment to act their age. He remembers last year when Hakyeon had shrieked about letting Sanghyuk drink, but after a few himself, the buzzed part of his brain thought it would be fun for everyone to play drinking games and Sanghyuk will never forget the hangover he suffered the next day from it. This year, Hakyeon’s still a little hesitant, but he looks a little too eager as he takes the bottle from Sanghyuk and takes a huge gulp himself. The bottle gets passed around them until it’s Taekwoon holding the translucent green neck in his hand, a stalled expression on his face.

Hongbin raises an eyebrow, “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

And of course, it’s Jaehwan who snorts and pushes eagerly at Taekwoon’s hand. “No, you have to. It’s Hyuk’s birthday. Don’t be a party pooper or else we’ll have to extract your invitation.”

Sanghyuk scrunches his face at Jaehwan. Who even invited Taekwoon to their little closet birthday celebration? Doesn’t everyone know that Sanghyuk is still pretending the other is nothing but empty space anyways? Taekwoon still has not apologized for what he said (and hell if Sanghyuk is going to apologize for anything) and it’s when he’s about to set the bottle down to stand and leave their little party is when Sanghyuk gets the brilliant idea of how to get Taekwoon to apologize for being, well, himself.

“Hyung,” he starts off with and that stops Taekwoon right in his tracks. Sanghyuk hasn’t addressed him since The Fight. It’s a cheap shot, but Sanghyuk is pretty sure –  _or at least he thinks_  – Taekwoon wants to reconcile, he’s just as stubborn as Sanghyuk though (and a huge part of Sanghyuk doesn’t want to make up with Taekwoon anyways, he isn’t sure he’ll ever let what the other said escape the back of his mind). “Just a drink,” he says with a slight whine that gets everyone’s attention.

Taekwoon fumbles for a moment after that, unsure of what to do, unsure of what  _Sanghyuk_  is trying to do. But he settles back down quickly enough to continue holding the bottle of soju, breath fanning the rim before he takes a tentative sip. It isn’t a lot, but Sanghyuk doesn’t care, it doesn’t take much for Taekwoon anyways. They resume passing the bottle around, Hakyeon trying for bigger gulps, but when it lands on Taekwoon again, Sanghyuk urges him to drink once more. Everyone knows what he’s doing by the third round, a tenseness has settled in their little circle and Wonshik looks more nervous than Sanghyuk’s known him for, but he honestly could care less, it’s just him, Taekwoon and the alcohol in the room right now. By the sixth round, everyone is pleasantly buzzed except Taekwoon who is beginning to sway in his spot in between Hakyeon and Hongbin. Sanghyuk shoves the nearly empty bottle into Taekwoon’s hand this time, skipping those in turn after him and he grins a little deviously, “Finish the rest of this, please hyung.”

It’s against his better judgement, everyone knows it is, but Taekwoon takes it, the bottle almost clumsily slips out of his fingers, but Sanghyuk’s own are on his, warm and a little too eager as Taekwoon chugs the rest of the burning liquid down his throat.

“We should go now,” Wonshik announces suddenly, “We’re probably being looked for.”

Sanghyuk hears him, but doesn’t acknowledge it as he watches Taekwoon’s adam’s apple bob to the final swallow, his eyes completely trained on the motion. Hongbin clears his throat rather loudly. “Yeah, c’mon Hyuk, I got your present back at the dorm.” Sanghyuk doesn’t fall for the bait, whatever it is Hongbin has (or doesn’t have) for him can wait, because Sanghyuk’s got a drunk Taekwoon and an opportunity he isn’t going to let slip from his hands. The others however, can practically feel the danger emiting from the situation and it is with Jaehwan’s insistent need to  _get the hell out of there_  that forces everyone to go on ahead. Hakyeon manages to squint very hawk-like at Sanghyuk before he steps out though. “Play nice,” he slurs, his own inhibitions clouded by the alcohol and Sanghyuk lets out a snort. Sure, he’ll definitely  _play nice_.

Hakyeon probably wants them to make up or something,Taekwoon probably cried to him about Sanghyuk being a petulant child (on some scale he knows he was acting like one, but he  _is_  petulant and he isn’t going to admit to it), but all Sanghyuk wants to do is humiliate Taekwoon and make him apologize. Truthfully, he’d rather Taekwoon choke on his own words and feel as bad as Sanghyuk had felt when he heard them, but there’s only so much Sanghyuk is willing to do when he knows that Taekwoon really is sorry (he doesn’t have to say it, he never does, his actions have always spoken for him and these last few weeks had proven it, but Sanghyuk wants more than shy offerings and made up excuses). Sanghyuk needs to hear it, needs Taekwoon to beg for Sanghyuk’s forgiveness, and he isn’t ever going to do that sober.

“Hyogi,” Taekwoon mumbles, using the usual endearing way to call Sanghyuk’s name whenever they find the maknae to be cute or playful, except Sanghyuk is well aware that Taekwoon views him as  _cute and playful_  all the time. He tries to lift himself up off the floor, but all it takes is a weak hand from Sanghyuk to push him back down and Taekwoon stays seated. “Where did the others go?”

“Home. We can catch up later,” Sanghyuk says easily, switching to informal speech. Taekwoon would chop his neck and send a glare if his mind wasn’t muddled with the amount of soju he’s consumed in the last hour. Such a lightweight.

Taekwoon looks like he wants to protest to that, as if his mind is still properly functioning and it’s alerting him that little shit maknae Han Sanghyuk is going to make him jump through hoops before he’ll be allowed to go back to the dorms and fall asleep tonight. It’s partially true, but Sanghyuk feigns all sorts of innocence as he looks up at Taekwoon with wide, clear eyes.

“Are you sorry yet?” Sanghyuk asks, voice soft, but tone very unforgiving.

He watches with intense interest as Taekwoon seems to fumble around with his words, dropping his head up and down from his hands, a nervous trait that Sanghyuk has the patience to wait through for an answer. He can tell how the anxiety is hitting Taekwoon, his ears are pink and Sanghyuk knows full well how Taekwoon hates confrontation. Good, he wants him to be as uncomfortable as possible through this. “Yes,” comes the response, Taekwoon blinking slowly at his open palms.

“Say it,” demands Sanghyuk, very haughtily. He leans in closer and Taekwoon looks small this way, smaller than usual in comparison to how big Sanghyuk just is now. “Tell me you’re sorry.”

“…I’m sorry,” mumbles Taekwoon and his eyes flutter shut, trying to block out Sanghyuk completely from his vision.

“Louder,” Sanghyuk says, tone hard. “I can’t hear you.”

“I’m…I’m sorry,” Taekwoon repeats. His hands are trembling slightly and Sanghyuk is only just an arm’s length away, maybe even closer. Taekwoon sucks in a breath. “I’m really sorry,” he manages one last time before grabbing the collar of Sanghyuk’s shirt and pulling him to close the gap between the two, his eyes are still closed, but through his drunken endeavors he manages to smack his lips right against Sanghyuk’s, kissing him almost insistently as if it’s the only thing that’ll keep him going through this.

Naturally, Sanghyuk’s body reacts by trying to pull away, but Taekwoon’s hold on him is too strong. He’s taken aback, this wasn’t supposed to happen, he wanted to make Taekwoon feel like shit and apologize, not make out with him. That’s exactly what happens though when the panic never fully settles and instead the pleasant burning from the soju starts to swirl in Sanghyuk’s stomach again as he tastes it on Taekwoon’s lips when he kisses back. Taekwoon is really drunk. Sanghyuk must be too.

“Hyogi,” he mumbles when his lips separate and Sanghyuk’s mouth opens to follow his, tongues brushing against each other and Taekwoon lets out a  _moan_ and Sanghyuk’s never heard anything like the sound of it before and he shudders in Taekwoon’s arms. It’s the alcohol, it’s definitely the alcohol because as inexperienced as Sanghyuk is at this, he finds himself kissing back a little too desperately, Taekwoon letting him take the lead and whining softly in Sanghyuk’s mouth with such urgency that Sanghyuk will be questioning why he didn’t seem to notice at first how hard his hyung was becoming in his jeans. It’s the alcohol, it has to be.

It’s sort of weird, Sanghyuk discovers moments later when Taekwoon lets out a broken sob as Sanghyuk palms him through the rough fabric of his jeans that only seem to get tighter and tighter as Sanghyuk rubs slow circles. He’s only lazily kissing Taekwoon now, all his interest put into watching the aroused expressions that splay across his hyung’s face, Taekwoon looking more and more unraveled than he usually would when drunk. Sanghyuk can feel his own erection begin to form and he swallows thickly, letting out a shuddering breath as Taekwoon moves his hands down the expanse of Sanghyuk’s back and he can feel the blood rush to his cheeks and then down south to his dick. He tells himself again it’s the alcohol making him feel so affected and not the large, familiar hands that have always grabbed softly at the back of his neck or ruffled condescendingly through his hair.

When Taekwoon comes, it’s with a very soft and fluttery voice, his eyes squeeze shut and his lips tremble while his hold on Sanghyuk only tightens. Sanghyuk solely watches with arrested interest, feeling himself flush from watching  _his hyung orgasm_  because of  _him_. He kisses Taekwoon again, because he figures he can and Taekwoon kisses back, that neediness never seeming to have left even as Taekwoon begins to finish off. As soon as their lips separate again though, Sanghyuk pushes himself off of Taekwoon, embarrassment and other things flooding him and he _runs_ , he fucking runs.

“You’re late,” Wonshik says when Sanghyuk throws himself down on his usual pile of blankets, face covered and hard on buried within the covers. “You two didn’t have another spat, right?”

Sanghyuk mumbles a reply, something like “no”, but he isn’t sure because his mind is still running wild with images and replaying sounds that he was never supposed to hear from any of his bandmembers – _specifically Taekwoon_. He can’t stop the erratic thumping of his heart either, but he tries hard to breath through his nose, to even himself out and sleep doesn’t find him as easily as it usually would, but Sanghyuk fights any and all urges to rush into the bathroom and lock himself in there, because he  _cannot_  let himself get off to the thought of Taekwoon’s face when he comes.

Awkward, however is not a word that Sanghyuk is familiar with –  _Hongbin maybe is_  – but not Sanghyuk. The next day is simple, he wakes up, tells himself to not think about it and that’s what he does. He sees Taekwoon leaning sleepily against the kitchen counter in the morning, first thing to boot, but Sanghyuk isn’t deterred as he breezes past him and grabs for a bowl in one of the cabinets. Taekwoon doesn’t move either, stony faced as ever as he sips slowly from his mug of warm coffee, Sanghyuk avoids looking at the way his adam’s apple bobs. The other seems okay, so Sanghyuk decides he is okay too. Maybe Taekwoon was too drunk to remember, maybe he left the studio feeling weird in his pants and figured he had a wet dream. Maybe Sanghyuk can get over himself and stop being a five year old child. Maybe.

It’s anti-climactic again and Sanghyuk is beginning to suspect that maybe everything with Taekwoon is going to be this way, but it isn’t like he minds exactly. Sanghyuk may enjoy arguments and having excitement in life, but with Taekwoon it’s usually the opposite and if Sanghyuk would agree on one thing with the elder, it’s that they both seem to work better when they both act like everything is okay between them.  _Ignorance is bliss_ , Sanghyuk tells himself when Taekwoon smiles softly at him, a usual smile, a half-awake smile and Sanghyuk smiles back.

Later that day, Hongbin does hand him a present, it’s a new video game that Sanghyuk’s been wanting for a while and he’s pleased as punch to get to kick both Hongbin and Jaehwan’s asses for a few hours before schedules start and everyone seems to be fine, hardly affected by last night’s drinking and whatever else that happened. It’s a mundane day, to Sanghyuk at least (while he pretends), practicing and sweating and dropping to the floor when Hakyeon calls for a break. Hongbin hands him a water bottle and Sanghyuk struggles between drinking it all in one go or dumping it all over his face, the summer heat is hell.

“When are they gonna get the AC fixed,” mumbles Jaehwan as he rolls beside Sanghyuk. “Don’t they know we’re dying in here?”

“I’m sure they know,” Hongbin says, sighing and glancing down at Sanghyuk. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk replies with, truthfully. He hasn’t been thinking about what happened last night, not really, maybe a little, possibly all day. He pushes himself to sit up, palms pressed to the floor, “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

He doesn’t notice the way Taekwoon’s eyes are following him as he leaves, because he’s too wired up from the invisible weight sitting on his shoulders and he definitely doesn’t notice the way Taekwoon does that thing where he just seems to silently slip away from the others. It isn’t until Sanghyuk’s in the bathroom, door unlocked and opened just a crack as he splashes his face with cold water, feeling just slightly relieved from the contrast of how hot his face was feeling moments ago. He’s twenty-one today, he realizes belatedly, even more of an adult than last year, but he still feels like a  _child_ , it’s ridiculous. Just a few weeks ago he was demanding Taekwoon to stop treating him as such, but the way he ran away last night seems to remind him that he still has a lot of growing up to do. What was he even supposed to do in that situation though? Surely some line had been crossed, something had been pushed or pulled, either way, Sanghyuk had to figure out what the hell to do before things got too pressurized again and he’d either explode in front of everyone or implode without a single sound.

“Hyuk-ah,” comes the soft voice behind him, Sanghyuk didn’t even notice the door open. “We need to talk.”

“Hyung,” he mumbles, turning around slightly to face the other, it’s Taekwoon with his expression soft and laid out carefully, as if he came here with some kind of elaborate plan before approaching Sanghyuk. “Talk about what?”

Taekwoon looks unimpressed, but then again he always does and Sanghyuk curses inwardly. He needs to play this cool. So, Sanghyuk clears his throat and returns to staring at his reflection in the mirror, “We don’t have to talk about anything really. I mean, it’s fine now, we talked last night, remember? You apologized and we’re fine now, really.”

The other’s expression doesn’t change and before Sanghyuk even gets a chance to protest, Taekwoon is closing the door behind him, encasing him and Sanghyuk in the cramped bathroom and there’s the click of the lock before Taekwoon’s hands are cupping his cheeks and his eyes are intense when he leans forward and it’s the last thing Sanghyuk sees before Taekwoon’s lips are on his in an instant and Sanghyuk  _melts_. Kissing Taekwoon sober feels a thousand times better than kissing Taekwoon drunk. The other isn’t as urgent as he was the night before, but softer and more aware, like this time he knows what he’s doing. He manages to ease Sanghyuk into opening his mouth again, this time it’s Taekwoon taking the lead, running his tongue through Sanghyuk’s teeth, exploring, and he’s a lot closer this time too, his chest brushing Sanghyuk’s and the younger male feels like his stomach has dropped all the way to his knees.

Sanghyuk sighs when Taekwoon pulls away, but his hands remain on his face, his thumbs rubbing slow circles at the corners of Sanghyuk’s eyes. Of course, Sanghyuk is still a little surprised (more so at himself for how badly he wanted that, to be kissed and to be acknowledged by Taekwoon in this aspect) but he doesn’t want to argue about it really, if kissing is Taekwoon’s way of talking about things then he’d rather accept that.

“We’ve only got a few more minutes,” Taekwoon says softly, barely above a whisper as his lips brush against Sanghyuk’s ear. “Think you can contain your voice?”

Sanghyuk doesn’t understand what he means by that, but he finds out soon enough when Taekwoon is down on his  _knees_  of all places, Sanghyuk’s cheeks flush incredibly fast as Taekwoon mouths at his growing erection through the fabric of his shorts, one of his hands snaking up his thigh to cup his ass. Sanghyuk’s voice is breathy and he tries really hard not to let out a moan, especially anything loud, because if anyone were to pass by they could easily hear him. Curse Taekwoon for choosing to do this right now of all times. He fails miserably though when Taekwoon pulls his shorts and underwear down to his thighs, hot breath fanning over his dick and the hand that isn’t grabbing his ass comes to wrap around the base of his cock and slowly Taekwoon pumps Sanghyuk and that’s when the sound just pours out of him. It apparently hasn’t occurred to Taekwoon that this is possibly the first time Sanghyuk has ever had anyone beside himself touch him there, so Sanghyuk suddenly becomes sensitive, the feeling of Taekwoon’s calloused hands so foreign but so  _good_ that Sanghyuk’s hips jerk forward into them almost hastily.

Taekwoon finds it amusing and chuckles softly, but it’s too quick for Sanghyuk to respond to, he wants to call Taekwoon an asshole for that one, a thought that usually almost never crosses his mind. For some reason, a sudden boldness seems to sprout forth within Sanghyuk whenever Taekwoon kisses him, he’s only got two examples right now but something tells him he’ll have more in the future.

It’s a little too much for his brain to handle right now though, for him to think about upcoming encounters when Taekwoon’s mouth wraps around the head of his cock and Sanghyuk fights the urge to just fuck into his hyung’s mouth right then and there. It’s Taekwoon’s hand that mostly stops him, finally removing itself from groping Sanghyuk to properly pin his hips back against the tiled walls, and slowly, very slowly, Taekwoon’s lips stretch more and more as he takes in more of Sanghyuk into his mouth. Sanghyuk feels like he’s died and gone to heaven or something, Taekwoon’s tongue is slightly rough as it slides down the length of his dick and he hums softly for effect, making Sanghyuk stutter out more obscene noises that he tries hard to cover up with his knuckles being pressed to this lips. Taekwoon’s hand at the base of Sanghyuk’s cock is still pumping, slowly as before, but his head bobs at a faster pace, his tongue laying flat and moving against the bottom of Sanghyuk’s cock before he pulls back, only the tip in his mouth still as he gives Sanghyuk one hard suck and then pulls off completely, a mixed trail of saliva and pre-come sticking between his lips and Sanghyuk’s dick.

“Fuck,” Sanghyuk groans out when he takes in the eyeful of Taekwoon, he can’t believe any of this is really happening right now. He’s locked in a bathroom with what is still typically his scary hyung, getting his first ever blowjob and just imagine –  _he was having a fight over cereal just a while back_. Sanghyuk blinks with hazed eyes down at Taekwoon who only just smiles that small little smile at him and it seems a whole lot different than the one he received this morning –  _dirty, almost_  – it makes his dick twitch in Taekwoon’s hand and the other starts to stroke him faster now, dragging his long elegant fingers along the expanse of Sanghyuk and under all these sensitive spots Sanghyuk never even knew he had until Taekwoon had found them. It doesn’t take him long to climax after that, his hand fisting in his worn t-shirt while the other is shoved into his mouth to block whatever sound he lets rip out as Taekwoon drags out his orgasm with his hand.

It doesn’t occur to Sanghyuk until he blinks away the white spots and glances back down at Taekwoon and  _oh my god, he’s just come on his hyung’s cheek_.

“Shit, I’m sorry–” Sanghyuk manages to start, but it’s kind of funny in this weird way that makes his stomach feel giddy and he ends up giggling about it, but Taekwoon is either amused or actually annoyed because his face is nothing but a glare as he looks up at Sanghyuk.

“We’re even now,” he says after a heartbeat, standing and grabbing a paper towel to start wiping his face with.

Sanghyuk blinks slowly at him, is that what this was? Getting even for last night when Sanghyuk had accidentally gotten Taekwoon off? Because that was all unintentional and up until now, Sanghyuk was pretty sure Taekwoon had either not remembered it or just simply brushed it off.

“Get out,” Taekwoon says softly, “Hakyeon’s going to be looking for you first.” It’s true, Hakyeon isn’t going to bother with looking for Taekwoon at least until they’re halfway back into practice and he suspects the other is skipping out. Sanghyuk could do without the command though, but he puts himself back together in record time, missing the door to his face as Taekwoon practically locks him out.

If awkward is not apart of Sanghyuk’s vocabulary, then neither is subtlety. A lot of words actually remain foreign to Sanghyuk. He spends the remainder of practice completely elated, much more worse than that is the fact that he cannot stop his eyes from flickering over to Taekwoon where they light up and he seems to burst into a fit of giggles. Hakyeon is thoroughly annoyed by the end of the day where he ends things early, going into another room to call their manager because he can’t be around a _child_. Which is so stupid because Sanghyuk knows Hakyeon treats him as such and because as soon as they finish up, it’s Jaehwan squealing with joy and talking in his kindergartener voice as he dances in celebration with his butt.

Back at the dorms, Sanghyuk seems to be filled with ease as he plays a few more rounds of the game Hongbin got him before happily going to bed at a reasonable time and sleeping without much problem, he hardly even snores that night. Wonshik is worried to death.

It happens again a few weeks later, of course it does, as if Sanghyuk was going to let it go that easily, to let this new found thing just slink away back into the dark. It isn’t as weird, because he reasons that the first time was the alcohol, the second time was repayment, and this time is because it’s hot as hell and Sanghyuk is a mixture of bored and turned on from thinking about the first two times. It’s ideal right now, no schedules for another few hours, the others are out attending to personal matters that Sanghyuk doesn’t care about enough to find out  _what_  and Taekwoon is in the living room monitoring one of their old performances. It’s like it was planned out, by who – Sanghyuk doesn’t know, maybe some deity who decided Sanghyuk needed a break from his right hand and whatever cheap looking porn he could find online. Taekwoon was much more better than all of that anyways.

It does at some point, strike Sanghyuk as a bit odd. Taekwoon doing these types of things – with Sanghyuk,  _the supposed baby_  – and just in general. Sanghyuk has never pegged Taekwoon as someone who would fuck without meaning, with the way he talks about love at first sight, with how Taekwoon looks like he could love someone with all of his heart and would only ever be devoted to one single person, eyes trained solely on them. But that isn’t what this is, or is going to be. This is an excuse for them to touch because they can’t really, not with another human being, not with sexual desire and just  _physical want_. That’s what this is, a way to satisfy themselves because they need _something_  to ground them when all this stress and anxiety starts to pull them into orbit and Sanghyuk apparently wants Taekwoon (or Taekwoon wants Sanghyuk, either way it’s convenient and Sanghyuk doesn’t care if either of them want who, as long as Sanghyuk has someone to get him off).

“What do you want?” Taekwoon asks carefully as soon as Sanghyuk is in his view, he’s barely looked up from his phone.

“A lot of things,” Sanghyuk answers simply enough, sitting down on the floor by Taekwoon’s face, looking at him almost puppy-like. “But most recently, you.” The words itself sound a bit silly on his tongue and he hopes he doesn’t come off as too bashful, asking this of Taekwoon when the other times seemed to have happened whether or not both parties fully agreed.

A few different things pass on Taekwoon’s face before he sighs, taking a moment to set his phone down and look passively at Sanghyuk, who still has a very puppy-esque look on his face. Taekwoon’s weakness, probably. He gives in without a fight, kissing Sanghyuk slowly, a little sweetly and Sanghyuk smiles in victory – Taekwoon is so easy, Sanghyuk doesn’t fully know if he likes being indulged this way, but he doesn’t care anymore, not when Taekwoon’s mouth is open and hot and willing and Sanghyuk kisses him like he hasn’t kissed anyone before.

It doesn’t stop at the third time, it happens more, any free moment they can get. Stuffed in bathrooms, closets, and anywhere really. Once when Wonshik and Hongbin were watching a movie in the living room and Taekwoon was stirring a pot of ramyun, Sanghyuk was daring then, as he always seems to be when it comes to kissing or fooling around with Taekwoon. They got as far as Taekwoon moaning out Sanghyuk’s name when Wonshik had asked offhandedly if they were getting into a fight in there. Sanghyuk burst into laughter while Taekwoon elbowed him in the ribs, ever the temperamental hyung.

“You two seem to actually be spending more time together,” says Wonshik one night when Sanghyuk is laying belly down on the floor of the bedroom, sending a kakao message to Taekwoon about some mundane thing that had happened to him earlier in the day when he went out with Jaehwan to the store. Taekwoon still isn’t very talkative, but he’s a lot more responsive on messengers, replying quickly even if it is usually just one word, but he presses Sanghyuk to continue the conversation, always.

“Not really,” says Sanghyuk, only half paying attention. “I still spend way more time with you.”

“Only because we’re roommates and you never seem to like leaving the room anyways,” Wonshik mumbles, typing away on his laptop. “But seriously, you two are okay now?”

“I– yeah,” Sanghyuk furrows his brow slightly, partially distracted by the heart-eyes emoji Taekwoon sends him when he mentions spring onions. “Our friendship is always well, sort of shaky…we’re better now, much better.”

“Okay, because, Jaehwan hyung and Taekwoon hyung’s friendship is the hot and cold one. You and Taekwoon hyung are usually…more under wraps than _out_  there.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sanghyuk finally sets his phone down to glance up at Wonshik. He really wants to know where this going.

Wonshik seems to splutter for a minute before leveling himself and he pulls the top of his laptop down halfway to return the eye contact with Sanghyuk. “I’m just saying, you two used to act like it was mandatory to be around each other. Taekwoon hyung used to look really…forced? It’s just looking better, like you said. I don’t know, don’t ask me anymore, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes are slits of annoyance when he nods, “Yeah, you shouldn’t have.”

It ends there with Wonshik sighing rather loudly and going back to whatever it was on his laptop. Sanghyuk ignores his phone when it pings, probably another message from Taekwoon and the whole thing only lasts for about five minutes before Sanghyuk opens up kakao and replies back, acting like he isn’t the least bit affected by Wonshik’s words.

Of course they acted like they had to be around each other. It’s not easy for Sanghyuk, having a hyung like Taekwoon whose mind is always hard to read. Sanghyuk doesn’t pride himself in being able to read any of the member’s minds though, he sometimes even thinks he himself just doesn’t understand human behaviour, but Taekwoon is so much more difficult than that and it’s easier just to ignore it sometimes. It’s easier to just ignore Taekwoon.

But that suddenly becomes the most difficult thing in the world when Sanghyuk gets cornered backstage, Taekwoon’s hand on the small of his back, urging him away from the others. It’s a little unusual, because Taekwoon doesn’t like doing these things in public, more for waiting until they’re back home or in the company building, it’s mostly Sanghyuk who’ll stuff him in a waiting room closet and kiss the daylights out of him. But Taekwoon seems insistent this time, almost desperate as he presses his hands flat against Sanghyuk’s chest, sighing with content as their lips meet in the stuffy broom closet, a box seems to poke into Sanghyuk’s back, but he doesn’t mind when he’s so close to Taekwoon right now.

“You seemed distracted today,” Taekwoon mumbles softly, eyes immediately going to scan through Sanghyuk’s face as he pulls back. “Did something happen?”

Sanghyuk doesn’t really want to get into the whole thing with the conversation that happened with Wonshik, so he shakes his head, mentally noting that he needs to be even less distracted for the rest of the day than he’d usually be, he doesn’t actually enjoy keeping his hyung’s worried. If he’s distracted, then he’s distracting the others. The kind of distraction Sanghyuk needs right now though, is the one where he wants Taekwoon to not interrogate him like Wonshik had, so he pulls the other male closer, kissing him again, open mouthed and inviting, like he’s giving Taekwoon full control of just about everything. And Taekwoon takes it.

He leaves a sweet trail of kisses from Sanghyuk’s jaw to his neck, sucking momentarily on soft spots before moving his mouth away, wary of leaving any marks that will rise questions. Sanghyuk whines because he doesn’t care, but Taekwoon never fails to think things through, to think about their careers. Sanghyuk just always seems to get lost in these moments, trying hard to forget who he really is and what is happening outside of their little bubble, he would rather savor the feeling of Taekwoon’s hands sliding on the insides of his thighs. It’s so unfair, how much Taekwoon has on Sanghyuk, the five year age gap seeming to only grow instead of decrease with time. He knows so much more than Sanghyuk, knows where to touch, where to press his lips, he knows where to unravel Sanghyuk before Sanghyuk can even figure it out.

Sanghyuk comes in Taekwoon’s hand, his cock pressed right up to the other’s, Taekwoon’s large hand pumping them both sloppily as Sanghyuk whimpers and bumps his nose against Taekwoon’s. There’s no need for embarrassment, Taekwoon’s cheeks are only slightly dusted pink as he kisses Sanghyuk briefly, letting his own climax hit. Before Sanghyuk can even try to touch Taekwoon back in any way, he’s reaching for a stack of paper towels on the shelf behind Sanghyuk’s head. He wipes them clean, careful to not smear anything on their clothes, careful to bleed all of his attention on Sanghyuk. He really feels like such a child.

“You have to stop this,” Sanghyuk says after a moment of watching Taekwoon fuss over him. “I told you I’m not five.”

“And I said I know,” Taekwoon agrees. He’s not looking up to meet Sanghyuk’s eyes, “I wouldn’t be doing these kinds of things with a five year old.”

Sanghyuk’s voice is tired but he still manages a weak laugh. “God, I hope not. Seriously though, I can– I can do stuff. I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Taekwoon nods with a mumble. “This is more for me. A reminder of sorts, or just really all out of habit.”

“Reminder for what?” Sanghyuk asks.

Taekwoon looks down again, fumbling with his words, but Sanghyuk is still just as patient as he has always been when Taekwoon needed a brief moment to sort through his brain. “To restrain myself. I really shouldn’t have….have done what I did the first time. On your birthday. I shouldn’t have kissed you, as affected by the alcohol as I was, I was more affected by you. It had just been a while since you seemed to acknowledge me. I didn’t want you to get mad again.”

Sanghyuk let’s that sink in with the silence that follows, trying to decipher why Taekwoon would need a reminder to restrain himself, why that reminder is to baby Sanghyuk. He doesn’t quite understand it, but to hear that Taekwoon is that affected by Sanghyuk, that maybe no one else could affect him as such, makes his chest burst with gratification. It isn’t until Taekwoon is fidgeting with the hem of Sanghyuk’s sleeve that he realizes the other is awaiting a response.

“I’m sorry too, honestly,” Sanghyuk starts off with. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you for just being yourself. It was just getting so…patronizing. Like, you really didn’t think I could…do  _anything_.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Taekwoon says quickly, watching as Sanghyuk’s fingers begin to play with a loose string on his shirt. “It’s just– you shouldn’t be doing anything. You shouldn’t be kissing me in closets and learning how to give blowjobs. It isn’t that you don’t have the ability to do anything, it’s just that you really shouldn’t.”

“Taekwoon hyung. I’ve said a million times before, I’m an adult. I made these decisions. It isn’t like you held me against my will or anything.” Sanghyuk thinks he’s being a little more than ridiculous now, more ridiculous than crying over spilled milk.

“I  _know_ ,” he says, voice just a tad bit hard. “I can’t help but try to somehow, preserve your youth this way. You’re an adult but you’re still young.”

Sanghyuk snorts softly at that, a smile tugging at his lips. “It’s a little late to be preserving anything, hyung. Really, it’s fine. I– I like it. Doing this with you, I want to. With you.” It sounds somewhat embarrassed, but Sanghyuk tries to swallow his heart down as it rises to his throat. Taekwoon is a swirling vortex, sucking everything into him. Sanghyuk is never allowed to just expose a part of himself, it’s all or nothing and as much as Taekwoon dislikes confrontation, Sanghyuk despises it. But the the other male seems content with it, a smile gracing his features and that’s the first time Sanghyuk really thinks Taekwoon looks attractive, not because of the styled hair or the make up caked on his face. Just really genuine, smiling Taekwoon, and something flutters in Sanghyuk.

They leave that day feeling much better than before, Hongbin and Wonshik giving Sanghyuk side long glances for the remainder of their broadcasting, but fuck it, Sanghyuk doesn’t care. The air is clean, the sun is shining, everything is fantastic. He dances to Jaehwan’s raucous singing on the car ride home, keeping Wonshik awake and occasionally grinning when Taekwoon turns around to give him a shy glance.

The next month or two is filled with things like that, soft exchanges of affection in front of public eyes, but heated fervent touches and expressions just for their own. Sanghyuk thinks he could get drunk off of Taekwoon like this, sometimes he really feels he is, resulting in him leaning closer whenever given the chance, just to inhale Taekwoon’s scent or to feel the warmth of his shoulder. If the members think it’s weird, they don’t say anything, more so, Hakyeon seems pleased at how much closer the two have become. Wonshik doesn’t question what’s going on between the two anymore and Hongbin acts like nothing’s really changing, while Jaehwan occasionally teases Taekwoon about his adoring baby. Sanghyuk no longer feels the bite from the word, not when he has Taekwoon whining in his arms, begging and almost crying for Sanghyuk to let him come.

They’re in a hotel room for when they actually have sex, the whole thing partially unplanned as Taekwoon gets roomed with Sanghyuk (it isn’t their first time getting roomed together when overseas, but Sanghyuk is beginning to think that maybe this time it happens because Taekwoon pushes Hongbin to room with Hakyeon instead) and it’s Taekwoon who pins Sanghyuk on the large, plush bed that they’re expected to share because hardly do they ever get a two bedroom room. It starts with Taekwoon kissing Sanghyuk, as it always does because kissing seems to always ease Taekwoon’s nerves, prepare him for the loud noises and harsh breathing that will entail later on. Sanghyuk’s a little excited to be honest, his muscles are slightly tired from spending the day rehearsing and exploring the foreign city with Hongbin and Jaehwan, but this time is different. They have  _time_  this time, a bed and soundproof hotel room walls. No rushing to finish, no worry over someone catching them.

It’s slightly nerve wracking at first, because Sanghyuk doesn’t know what to expect really, especially when Taekwoon starts slow, tender almost and Sanghyuk just starts to melt into each one of his feathery touches and soft kisses. It’s different than when Taekwoon seems to snap a finger and Sanghyuk just manages to come undone just like that, because right now, Taekwoon is careful, he’s learning. Figuring out in full detail what Sanghyuk likes and seems to like even more, because Sanghyuk has to face it, Taekwoon touching him with such intimacy could never be disliked.

“T-Taekwoon,” he sighs contently, only using his name informally when they’re alone together like this. Last time it had just been a slip of tongue which resulted in the other orgasming so quick and unexpected that Sanghyuk filed the information away safely for it’s next use.

This moment however, Taekwoon only lets out a soft groan, rubbing his hard erection against Sanghyuk’s, bare skin covered in a layer of sweat as their chests slide smoothly in rhythm. Almost hungrily, Sanghyuk bites down on Taekwoon’s shoulder, wanting more –  _needing more_. It’s with two slick fingers that Taekwoon stretches Sanghyuk open, it burns at first, Sanghyuk hissing and clawing uselessly at Taekwoon’s back to try and register somehow that this is all real and happening. But it fades quickly with each attentive kiss Taekwoon delivers to Sanghyuk’s lips, his voice soft and low, telling him to relax. Sanghyuk does, hips rocking slowly to the beat Taekwoon sets, fucking his fingers into Sanghyuk. When he pulls them out, Sanghyuk is still deliriously moving his hips until he feels Taekwoon shift on the bed, the sound of plastic ripping and a minute later something new is at his entrance, and Sanghyuk sucks in a sharp intake of air.

“Ready?” Taekwoon asks, his voice his husky and strained, Sanghyuk briefly wonders if Taekwoon himself is ready. But he nods all the same, screwing his eyes shut when the head of Taekwoon’s cock slides in him and he lets out a gasp. Taekwoon stops right then and there and Sanghyuk forces his eyes open to find the other with a worried look, scanning Sanghyuk’s face intently.

“I’m fine,” he says, “Keep going.”

Taekwoon gives him one last look before nodding, sliding his lips down to press a kiss to Sanghyuk’s and the other indulges him, trying to convey through the kiss that he really is okay. Inch by inch, Taekwoon moves in, more and more and Sanghyuk is squeezing his shoulders so hard he fears that Taekwoon might just possibly break under his embrace. He doesn’t, instead he holds Sanghyuk’s hips firmly, swallowing thickly while trying to force down a shuddery exhale of breath. “I’m going to move now,” Taekwoon informs and Sanghyuk just nods again, his words refusing to materialize.  

It’s a lot fuller than Taekwoon’s fingers, that’s for sure, but it feels better, less of a burn and more of Sanghyuk wanting more and more of the friction than anything. It’s slow and careful, as a lot of things with Taekwoon seem to be and Sanghyuk can’t be selfish and demand for more, not when he knows how conscious his hyung is being of him, it’s a sort of pleasant overwhelming feeling that Taekwoon leaves in Sanghyuk. His heart could break through his chest right now.

“Taekwoon,” he whines, needy, and Taekwoon moves his hands from Sanghyuk’s hips to rest on the bed, boxing Sanghyuk in his arms. With a sudden urgency, Sanghyuk finds his hips rocking to Taekwoon’s thrusts, clumsily at first, because he still isn’t too sure what he’s doing, but eventually he matches with the other, letting out a rather embarrassingly loud moan when Taekwoon’s cock curves just  _so_  inside of him. One of Taekwoon’s hands seems to find it’s way in between the two, grasping Sanghyuk’s hardened cock and stroking him lazily, his lips mouthing hotly at the junction between Sanghyuk’s neck and shoulder.

Sanghyuk is a trembling mess when he oragasms, crying out Taekwoon’s name over and over again like that’s the only thing grounding him. As if finally releasing his own hold, Taekwoon follows soon after, a guttural sound erupting from him that sends shivers down Sanghyuk’s spine. They lay in silence for a minute or two, nothing but the sound of their panting filling the room and Sanghyuk’s cheeks suddenly heat at the realization of what they’ve just done. Taekwoon is only slightly heavy on top of him where he’s seemed to just collapse, the life practically drained from him and Sanghyuk gently pokes his shoulder. “Hyung. Hyung, get up. It’s sticky.”

Slowly, almost at a sloth like pace, Taekwoon rises and with caution, pulls himself out of Sanghyuk before rolling over to the side of the bed, drawing a breath of air in. Sanghyuk feels like he can’t move at all, but it doesn’t matter as Taekwoon slides off the bed, disappearing into the bathroom and then returning with a wet towel, wiping Sanghyuk and himself clean, using such kind and attentive hands, it’s actually endearing for once in Sanghyuk’s eyes.

“C’mere,” he mumbles sleepily, calling Taekwoon over with a lazily drawn hand. The other tosses the towel to the side, easily being casted into Sanghyuk warm embrace, nuzzling into his side and almost possessively wrapping the younger into his arms. Almost.

Sanghyuk is honestly too drowsy at this point to properly register much aside from the heat of Taekwoon’s skin on his own as they lay snuggled in bed. He can smell the musty scent exuding from the other and soon he feels Taekwoon’s soft cat-like lips pressing an almost chaste kiss to his own, small words being poured out into Sanghyuk’s mouth.

In the morning, Sanghyuk wakes up, half of his mind is in a dream like state, while the other is giddy at the aspect of what happened last night. He doesn’t remember anything beyond falling asleep in Taekwoon’s arms and he gets an eyeful of a sleep induced Taekwoon, face too close for what Sanghyuk is usually accustomed to when they share a bed. He doesn’t mind though, so long as Taekwoon doesn’t mind Sanghyuk’s morning breath as he kisses his hyung awake, groggy protests of ‘let me sleep more’ being thrown around without much of a bite. Soon, Taekwoon’s kissing him back, Sanghyuk giggling in his embrace before he throws the blankets off them, announcing that he’s going to take a shower. Taekwoon groans out loudly, but halfway through Sanghyuk’s shower, the other is joining him and they’re just a _little_  late to meet up with the others.

It doesn’t really seem to hit Sanghyuk until they’re back in South Korea, all hanging out together on the floor of their dorm, Jaehwan resting his head against Sanghyuk’s thigh as he helps the younger with his lines for their upcoming single. Wonshik and Hongbin are bantering about something as Hakyeon flips through channels on the tv, while Taekwoon’s got a book in his nose, only half paying attention to everyone else. That’s when Sanghyuk’s stare wanders over to him and he’s grinning a little as his eyes stay casted on Taekwoon, so Jaehwan shoves a cold hand into the front of Sanghyuk’s shirt, causing the other to yelp and draw his gaze away.

“You were staring,” Jaehwan announces casually, a tiny glint in his eye.

“No, I wasn’t,” Sanghyuk hisses defensively. He definitely was not and even if he was, so what?

“Nothing,” he shrugs, lifting the lyrics paper up to poke Sanghyuk’s cheek with. “You just sing a little better when you’re distracted by Taekwoon hyung, surprisingly enough.”

That for sure causes Sanghyuk’s eyes to flicker between Jaehwan and Taekwoon, the other still unbeknownst of what’s happening. Jaehwan snickers, sitting up to get on eye level with Sanghyuk. “Why don’t you have him coach you instead?”

And that’s never happened before. It’s always been Jaehwan who’s helped Sanghyuk with a lot of his vocal work, Hakyeon or Wonshik occasionally jumping in whenever to offer their guidance as well. He’s never really sought out Taekwoon’s help, at least not with this. Not with his singing or his dancing or acting, or any of this. Sanghyuk shakes his head at Jaehwan, finality in his voice when he speaks, “That’s not gonna happen.”

He’s actually embarrassed, Sanghyuk is embarrassed at the prospect of Taekwoon coaching him. It’s silly, they’ve all heard each other sing, thousands of people have heard them sing – live, too. So, he sniffs indignantly at Jaehwan before shoving him out of his zone of comfort, standing up to go lay on his pile of blankets in his room and spend a few hours watching anime. It isn’t until a while later that the door opens, Sanghyuk’s first thought is that it’s just Wonshik, but the other had gone out with Hongbin for snacks, so his heart suddenly races at the thought of Taekwoon coming in to be alone with him. The rising in his chest deflates almost as quickly as it had begun when it’s Hakyeon who sits on his back, crossing his legs in a very Taekwoon-esque way and purses his lips, waiting for Sanghyuk to stop throwing his arms in protest.

“What are you  _doing?_ ” Sanghyuk spits out, struggling to overturn Hakyeon, but the other is still heavy enough to keep Sanghyuk planted. Being tangled in blankets doesn’t help either.

“Having a talk with you,” replies Hakyeon, ever the rock.

“We can’t do this – _I don’t know_  – sitting?”

“You have a thing for running away it would seem,” sighs Hakyeon, a knowing smirk on his face that Sanghyuk can’t see but he can hear it in the elder’s voice. He curses inwardly.

“What is this about, hyung?”

“You and Taekwoon. You guys are really close these days. Almost sickeningly so.”

Sanghyuk furrows his brows, that’s it? “I’ve already had this talk with Wonshik hyung.”

“It was probably more like you being hormonal and him backing off,” says Hakyeon almost impassively. “Sanghyuk, it isn’t my place to tell you what to do with your personal life, but it is my place to make sure that your personal life doesn’t do anything to interfere with your professional life. You seem a lot less careful now and a lot more…well, happy in an aspect, but really distracted, more so than usual.”

There’s silence. Sanghyuk really hates Hakyeon because he’s hard to argue with, he’s too fucking smart. “Get off,” he grumbles, not putting up a fight this time because Hakyeon stands firmly, looking back down at Sanghyuk who begins to sit up.

“Don’t do anything to hurt Taekwoon and most importantly, don’t mess yourself up too.”

Hakyeon doesn’t wait for Sanghyuk to respond, instead spinning on his heels and smoothly exiting through the door. God, Sanghyuk wants to punch him in the face. He’s trying so hard to look cool and it’s  _actually working_. As if Sanghyuk is ever going to tell that to him though.

The same night, Sanghyuk finds himself holding Taekwoon’s hand as the two walk from their dorm to the cafe down the street, a promise of bubble tea and iced coffee for Sanghyuk if he behaved on the way there (Sanghyuk isn’t Jaehwan for heaven’s sake, he isn’t going to  _embarrass_  Taekwoon). The moon hangs lovely in the sky tonight, it’s clear as the stars twinkle against Sanghyuk’s eyes and the fingers curled against his hand only tighten when Taekwoon suddenly stops in his tracks, Sanghyuk nearly bumping into him. Taekwoon turns to face him and Sanghyuk opens his mouth to question why they’ve suddenly stopped when Taekwoon kisses him, gentle and sweet; a marching band goes off in the cavity of Sanghyuk’s chest. Maybe something a little softer, like an orchestra starts to play in Taekwoon’s when he slides his free hand into Sanghyuk’s hair, carding through the strands and causing the younger to sigh into his touch. There’s no one around right now, maybe a stray cat or two, but the summer night is still, stretching far too late for anyone else to be wandering around this street.

“Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon starts softly, voice sounding very pleading. He blinks slowly at the other as their lips remain only a hair’s length apart, Taekwoon’s eyelashes brushing against Sanghyuk’s cheeks.

“Yes, Taekwoon?” He answers tensely, he would rather really be kissing Taekwoon again.

“Do you–” he stalls, thinking of the right words to say, but eventually finds them, hand holding onto Sanghyuk’s even tighter. “Do you like me?”

And, oh. This is unexpected, the instinct – _the one that always seems to get the better of him_  – tells him to run, but Hakyeon’s words hit him with an unimaginable force, burning brightly at the front of him mind.  _Don’t do anything to hurt Taekwoon._

_And most importantly, don’t mess yourself up too._

Sanghyuk stutters nervously, it isn’t like Taekwoon is confessing to him or anything, he’s just wanting to know where Sanghyuk stands on this. Maybe, it’s silly, but maybe, Taekwoon already knows where he himself is standing on all of this. Taekwoon knows his own feelings and now he wants to know Sanghyuk’s. Words have never been friends to Taekwoon, many of those words have never been in Sanghyuk’s vocabulary either and right now words are all they have to clarify anything between them.

“I’m not sure. I mean– I, maybe. I don’t really know, I think. I think maybe…maybe I do.” Sanghyuk is mumbling, babbling words and most make sense while some of them get tied together and form completely new words, he’s never been this flustered in his entire life before and it’s embarrassing. Taekwoon sure knows how to embarrass him.

He’s only more embarrassed when the older male lets out a puff of air, head falling to Sanghyuk’s shoulder as his own begin to tremble slightly. It takes Sanghyuk a minute or two but he figures out that Taekwoon is _laughing_. He’s laughing at Sanghyuk, of all people, out in the middle of the night on the sidewalk. Jung Taekwoon is laughing at Han Sanghyuk.

“S-Stop that,” he demands immediately, slapping lightly at Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“You’re cute,” Taekwoon says before giving a faint peck to Sanghyuk’s cheek. “I like you too, maybe.”

“Are you making fun of me now?” Sanghyuk fumes, deciding to push away petulantly, but Taekwoon’s hold on his hand keeps him within reach. He gets spun back to Taekwoon’s side, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of Taekwoon’s lips and Sanghyuk can’t help but grin back.

It’s even more anti-climactic from then on, they go to the cafe, hands intertwined together until they reach the place and Taekwoon opens the door and Sanghyuk lets go with ease and both step in. Taekwoon gets Sanghyuk his bubble tea and an iced coffee for himself, Sanghyuk argues that he was supposed to get  _two_  drinks, but when they’re walking back, he tastes it on Taekwoon’s tongue instead. Everyone back in the dorm aren’t expectant of anything, in fact, Jaehwan’s already wheedled Taekwoon’s drink from him, using aegyo and whining proficiently. Sanghyuk feels tired all of a sudden, but not an exhaustive kind, it is a rather satisfying kind. Like he’s done a day’s work and been paid and now he’s ready to collapse on his bed and rest, but he doesn’t have a real bed, just a pile of blankets and one pillow. So instead, he tugs on Taekwoon’s sleeve, drags him down to the floor of the living room with him and rests his head on the other’s thigh, sighing with content at the comfortable substitute for his lack of bed.

It’s still sort of ridiculous now, Sanghyuk thinks as he feels that warm hand he adores slide in to stroke his hair. Taekwoon doesn’t treat him as child anymore, he’s still careful around Sanghyuk, still gentle and occasionally condescending, but it’s in a different sense. One that surpasses their boundary of bandmates or even friends, it’s something a little more, maybe even a lot more. Sanghyuk sees it in the corners of Taekwoon’s eyes when he smiles at the other, he feels it in the hands that cradle him, he hears it in the soft way that Taekwoon speaks when he tells Sanghyuk he loves him. And Sanghyuk is just as sure that Taekwoon knows just as much when Sanghyuk mumbles the words back too.


End file.
